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Video games.

February 6, 2011

I am considering going into video game design and having perused the market feel that the following ideas would be competitive.

Auschwitz Kommandant

You play a young Dane who joins the Waffen SS. Having betrayed your country it is your task to rise through the ranks until eventually given control of the Nazis’ flagship deathcamp. Here you will get points by increasing the efficiency of the gas chambers, reducing rations, etc. There will be a target number of non-Aryans to exterminate before the inevitable arrival of the Red Army. Educational and fun.

Al-Qaida Pilot

As a young Saudi Arabian you must enter the United States,  take flying lessons (don’t waste time learning how to land!) organise a terror cell and eventually hijack a passenger plane to be flown into a prominent building. Successful completion unlocks an 18-rated level involving seventy-two virgins. An exciting twist on the flight simulator.

Who’s Palin Nailing?

A game for nature lovers. You play as fictional American political figure Sarah Palin on a hunting trip. Kill as many of our furry friends as possible with extra points for endangered species and bonuses for extinctions. Can you deplete Alaska of wildlife before all natural habitat is destroyed in the search for oil?

3K

Through lynchings, fire-bombings and dressing like a druid, support your race in its quest for supremacy. If you run out of black people move on to the Jews, Catholics, atheists, gays, Communists, socialists, liberals, gingers, people with above average IQ – in fact you win when you are the only person left alive. Unofficially endorsed by the Tea Party.

Groomer

As a dirty old man it is your task to convince under-age children (boys or girls – this is an equal opportunities game) to give into your desires. Includes an online, multi-player mode.

These are a few ideas which may have more niche appeal.

Coalition Minister

Compete with other members of Her Majesty’s Government to divest the country you were appointed to serve of all essential services. Whoever destroys most of the fabric of society wins and with the huge fortune they already had at the beginning of the game gets to go and live with Lord Ashcroft in Belize. It is no longer possible to play as Michael Gove after complaints that even the virtual experience of being him made people sick with self-loathing

Top Gear

You play a sad, middle-aged, inexplicably popular television personality with a sniggering hamster sidekick who must offend as many people as possible in the crudest and least imaginative way possible. You deal only in lazy stereotypes and if you say anything actually funny you automatically lose. Progress is measured by a melting ice-cap and on completion the planet is no longer habitable to multicellular organisms.

Game Game

Have you ever wanted to experience the experience of playing a video game? Now you can. Game Game recreates the experience of gaming in your own home. Choose between three different gaming experiences which vividly recreate the experience of experiencing the vivid recreation of something else.

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From → Humour, Satire

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